Perspective: I haz it.

Okay, so I'm not pregnant. I don't feel pregnant and this morning I threw a total hissy fit over something someone said to me. and I mean I cried for HOURS!

Then tonight I went to Bible study. I've been praying like Hannah for a while, asking that God would give me a son and that I would present him back to Him so naturally tonight we talked about 1 Samuel and I cried some more. *rolls eyes* I'm just a bundle of emotion right now.

Anyhoodle: Tonight I get home and I do what I normally do, I watch TV then I go on Facebook then I go onto Neopets. but on facebook I find out that a girl I used to go to church with, a girl I love and respect had a miscarriage. and my heart broke.

I mean, Here I am trying to get pregnant and she felt the life inside her and it was taken away. (and I'm starting to cry again) talk about putting everything into perspective.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" My butt. I was hurt by words today, far too hurt. but this... this has totally changed what happened.

anyway after seeing that and really having it hit me the "Bible" of which I am a fan and didn't realize it posted these verses from Psalms:

Psalm 49:5-9
5 Why should I fear when evil days come,
when wicked deceivers surround me—
6 those who trust in their wealth
and boast of their great riches?
7 No one can redeem the life of another
or give to God a ransom for them—
8 the ransom for a life is costly,
no payment is ever enough—
9 so that they should live on forever
and not see decay.

and I thought of the words again and how angry and bitter in someone else's boasting and I was letting them give me value.
oh yea, Perspective? I definitely haz it.
Ruth

But until you have kids yourself,

Wow.
Have you ever been slapped in the face by one stupid sentence?

Never has anyone hurt me so much, and hopefully unintentionally, as this one girl did by saying this one seemingly innocuous sentence.

My body is shaking and I'm crying and I don't even know if she knows how much damage she has caused by saying that one sentence. She doesn't know that Pat and I have been trying for a year now and have had no luck having children.

She doesn't know that I want a baby more than anything and by saying this she doesn't realize that by saying this she is driving a knife into my heart.

I've heard people say things like this too many times and they might seem innocent but it's like saying "I have children, and you don't, so you're not a good a human being as I am. Because you can't possibly know what it's like to be a mother like me."

If it were anyone else I would call them on it, but I've already been accused by this person and others that I "get everything handed to me on a silver platter" so for me to say anything would just sound petty and insecure, which to be honest Is what I'm feeling right now.

I've had such a great couple of days that this just seems like an anchor around my neck after being in the clouds for so long. *sigh*

I can't believe I could feel this way. It's like high school all over again.
I might right more when I'm in a better mood.